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My Mum
Yesterday was Mothers Day, and as regular listeners to the show will know, my dear old mum has Alzheimer’s.
She lives in a home now as she’s unable to look after herself, and as such, is content most of the time, surrounded by friends and carers, and generally has no worries to speak of.
Weird opening for a blog from a comedy (allegedly) podcast right?
So why, on this platform of all places, am I droning on about dementia and my mum?
Well, in our house sarcasm was a big thing.
It still is today with my wife and kids etc.
So, when it comes to dealing with mum’s dementia we laugh about stuff.
I took her a card and some Forrero Rocher yesterday.
I know, I know, I’m really spoiling her with those Forrero Rocher.
Anyway, she ate one, said it was nice, disgusting and not bad actually, all within the space of about 2 minutes (and in that order).
We laughed because to do anything else would just bring heartache.
Nevermind laughing at how this woman, who once ran the accounts department of a multi-million-pound-turnover company, now feels compelled to tell me that the senior carer on shift is a lovely lady 37 times in an hour.
When I go to see her the thing she says most is “you’re lovely”, closely followed by “you’re making me laugh now”.
That’s so important to me.
We cope with the worst of life by turning it into a joke, and with mum that comes to the surface on the podcast in ways like responding to “your mum” comments with, “well she’d never remember, so you might well have”.
There are some people out there who would say that’s not funny.
That’s the great thing about comedy though isn’t it; we all find different things funny.
In the same way we all find different things offensive.
So I wanted to delve into that a little and look at why as a society we’re starting to conflate comedy with repression.
Everything is game
Growing up I was taught to laugh at everything (except my dad who had no sense of humour when it came to himself).
Raised on a healthy diet of Monty Python, The Goons and, from a very young age shows like Tiswas with the likes of Lenny Henry and Sally James (swoon).
Every catastrophic event, from the Shuttle explosion to the P ‘n’ O ferry disaster were treated in the playground to a round of totally inappropriate jokes.
From then, right up until more recent events, it’s always comedy and laughter that has helped to underpin the coping mechanisms of people when they cannot fathom the sheer depth of the devastation or death that surrounds these sorts of events.
What does NASA stand for?
Need Another Seven Astronauts.
It’s humanity’s way of saying, this is absolutely shit, but if we laugh about it maybe it will help.
What about us?
Ross and I are both genuinely decent chaps
No, honestly!
We’re not racist, not homophobic, not bigoted in any way, but on the pod we’ll make jokes at anyone’s expense, especially ourselves and our guests.
There may be some things we will shy away from, and every now and then I’ll have to beep something Ross says, but ultimately the point of this whole exercise is to point the finger at stuff that’s insane and laugh about it.
We use foul language and we don’t apologise for it as it’s fitting (most of the time).
Quite frankly, if some words offend you more than some of the other things going on in the world right now, you need to give your head a wobble.
However, it’s also everyone’s right to feel offended at the things they don’t like.
It’s also our right not to curtail our efforts because of this.
Ultimately you can elect, as most, it seems, do, to not listen to our podcast, or to not watch that Ricky Gervaise special on Netflix or not go and see Bernard Manning (is that dude still alive? I’m sure he must be dead right?).
As societal norms and sentiments shift, people do exactly that and stop going to see the things they find offensive.
That too is exactly as it should be.
The thing is, of late, and mainly thanks to the rage baiting and the need it seems for social outcry on social media platforms, everyone is taking offence at something, even if they have no real reason to do so.
Who’s off limits?
I have a trans daughter.
Ricky Gervaise makes jokes about trans people in one of his shows.
Do I think he should be cancelled?
No of course not.
Will I watch that show?
Probably not, but maybe.
Either way I can see why the construct of the comedy would be funny even if it hits a little to close to home for me specifically.
We try not to speak about religion or politics on the show just because they’re so polarising, but we’re not afraid to call a spade a spade or a Trump a c***.
That’s our views.
That’s what we find funny.
We hope our listeners are on the same page.
But if we ever offend (is there anyone we haven’t offended?) then so be it.
You have every right to just switch us off.
We’re ok with that.
We know we’re not for everyone.
Just don’t conflate your personal offence with what’s right and wrong.
Drawing a line
Now, I’m not talking about hate speech here.
When we’re joking about a demographic or a situation we’re poking fun, we’re never being serious (except that Trump’s a c***).
When we talk about some of our friends and take the piss we do it from a place of love and expect exactly the same back from them.
Targeting an individual for selected and specific hatred is not funny though.
We’d never think less of someone for their race, religion, creed, colour, sexual preference or gender. We might think less of people from any of these demographics though if they’re a complete bellend.
And that to me is the crux of it.
It’s about having a laugh.
Not bullying or being an asshat.
Just trying to get through this whole shitshow we call life without losing your goddamn mind.
And maybe, just maybe, making a few folks laugh along the way.
So Happy Mother’s Day for yesterday if you celebrate, whether birth mother, step mother, adopted mother or stand-in mother.
You’re awesome and we’d be nowhere without most of you.
