1
0
Whoooooooo!!
What a wild night tonight at the home.
It started out as a normal visit, we went in and mum was sitting in the lounge watching the news about Russell Brand being an alleged rapist and all that all round cheery business.
We got her up and because she was in a bit of a state the carers took her off to get her ready for bed, before bringing her back to sit in the dining room with us. The Dining room was the only quiet room in the place at this point, little did they know it wouldn’t last!
During mum’s leave of absence, Bonnie had sidled up to Jane, held her hand and taken her off for a walk around the ground floor in the direction of the conservatory.
Bonnie is one half of Bonnie and Clyde.
A lovely older lady, who in her early life at the home was often seen with a rather tall gentleman, wandering the halls looking for mischief. Her real name isn’t Bonnie, but she’ll always be Bonnie to us.
Anyway, Jane was back with me by the time Mum came back, her nightie on show and her pink (to make the boys wink) dressing gown a gape.
The carer who helped her change was doing her utmost to keep both the dressing gown closed and mum perambulating, but she was fighting a battle on two fronts and decided the movement was the battle to win.
We sat down in the dining room and after Mum had told Jane she was lovely roughly 638 times in the space of 4 and a half minutes, we were joined by Bonnie again.
She shuffled into the room, somewhat reminiscent of Julie Walters in the classic 2 Soups sketch, and as she got to beside Mum, I offered her my chair to sit on, grabbing another for myself.
I know dear readers; what a gent!
So now we were 4 and we’d arrived at the home just in time for the tea round.
Tea is somewhat varied at the home depending on who makes it, what sort of day they’ve had and many, many other factors. We’ve been presented with an entire pot of tea just for the two of us in the past.
However, today was not a teapot kind of day.
Today was more like a “we’ve run out of sugar and we made you tea with the residents’ bath water” kind of day.
Still worse where there’s none / A blind man would be happy to see it etc.
It was hot, it was wet (stop it) and we all raised our cups for a toast in celebration of the fact that they hadn’t had Kippers for supper this week (unlike the week before).
The carers gently led Bonnie away at this point, presumably thinking she was being a bit of a nuisance (she wasn’t), and we continued to chat to mum for a few more minutes.
So how, I hear you ask, could this evening get any more wild!?
Well, the next thing we know Marjorie has wandered in, and if you’ve been keeping up with this series you’ll know that she can be somewhat of a live wire!
Tonight though she was calm and chatty and she joined us at the table and told us all about her and mum liked to have a chat. Marjorie and her “Little Boops” as she called mum are always shooting the breeze apparently, to which mum replied that Marjorie was lovely, and a bitch, and lovely.
It was noted that despite leading Bonnie away they were not about to try and do the same with Marjorie!
So we drank bathwater tea and ate biscuits, yes even we were provided with biscuits, and the chatting continued until who should make her hatrick appearance for the night?
Yes, that’s right!
Bonnie re-joined us and now it was officially a party!
We talked about heading to the pub but decided it was a bit dark, and besides, they don’t have biscuits. Although we did contemplate doing donuts in the car park and mum was offering to go on her trapeze but it’s always so embarrassing when she pulls that old trick out. “Put the bloody trapeze away mum” I always had to say.
The party was just getting into its stride when the drugs were then brought in.
Marjorie taking her pills like a pro and mum having hers crushed up and put into a drink like our cat taking its meds in a Lick-Y-Lix.
Someone really needs to work out how to make bourbon biscuits with meds in the cream filling. It would be an absolute goldmine.
More bathwater tea was drunk, along with bathwater horlicks and on Bonnie’s part a strawberry milkshake no less. Biscuits were eaten, slowly, even by mum, despite the fact that her teeth were falling out every 2 minutes. Then again, mum has never struggled to consume biscuits at any point in her life as far as I can tell.
Marjorie was trying to offer her biscuits to Jane but we told her that chocolate was good for her and she took that as a sign that she should eat them herself as she told us about Roland and Avril, her Son (and partner we presume).
Mum told us again how lovely we all were, she then said Marjorie was a bitch and that she was lovely again.
Then she noticed Bonnie and said “where did you come from”.
And we laughed.
